I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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