I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
