Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Michael Bay diarrhea
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
