mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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