i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
