i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
