it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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