you guys were way drunker than both of me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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