Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
