If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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