so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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