If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
