Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
