My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
