I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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