I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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