omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
