the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
