we're chasing vodka with high fives
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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