if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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