I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
