Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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