Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
