i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
