Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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