Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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