i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
