Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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