Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
