I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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