new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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