god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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