The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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