Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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