so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
