Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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