i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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