farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
