So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
