she looked like the before picture.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
