You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
