weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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