I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
