The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
