This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
