im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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