I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
