If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
