I'm jealous of your bromance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Randomize
