1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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