Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
