: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
