I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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