right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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