Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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