I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
