she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
